Curse of the Puppy
by Kaosu Buraindo
Summary: Van is still a puppy, and Merle, Hitomi and Allen are tying to find a way to turn him back. It's gonna be a LOT harder then they thought. Sequel to 'Curse of the Kitty'. Now featuring Dilandou! Woo!
1. What do we do now?

The Curse of the Puppy 

  
  
Yes, I know you all saw this coming. A sequel to 'The Curse of the Kitty". It kinda wont make sense unless you read the first part. So….yeah. Hope you like it!   
Warnings: Ummm…I don't think there are any. Allen in nicer in this fic because he has his hair back ^___^.   
Disclaimer: I don't own Escaflowne.   
  
~**~   
  
Hitomi growled and tossed the dusty book behind her back. It landed on a pile of books that almost touched the ceiling.   
  
"Nothing." She sighed.   
  
Allen slammed a book shut and added it to the pile.   
  
"Ditto. Anyone else finding this as pointless as I am?"   
  
Merle snarled and ripped a book apart, swallowing the pages and adding the cover to the already growing pile of mutilated books.   
  
"We're not going to find a cure for Van-sama in this stupid library!!" Merle snarled, and grabbed another book to chew out her frustrations on.   
  
Hitomi sighed and raked a hand through the hair of the tiny black puppy sleeping peacefully in her lap.   
  
"I guess the only way to cure him is that Omake guy."   
  
"NO WAY! That guy is a nutcase! I mean, this is all his fault, why would he cure him? Besides, that place is creepy and there's no way I'm going back!"   
  
"Well do you have any better idea's!?"   
  
"Yeah, we'll get rid of you! Your obviously a jinx!"   
  
"Why you LITTLE!" Hitomi grabbed a book as a weapon and shot up out of her seat, causing poor Van-puppy to go flying out of her lap and onto Allen's face.   
  
"Why don't you two jus-Mpphhm!" Allen was cut off as he fell backwards with a scared Van-puppy clinging to his face.   
  
Merle hissed and circled Hitomi, holding up a table to use as a weapon. They circled each other for another two minutes until they finally lunged. A huge dust cloud formed around them, and the two were rolling around the library, punching and biting each other. Occasionaly a fist or a head would pop out of the little dust cloud until it was pulled back in. Allen and Van-puppy sat on the floor staring at the two with wide eyes.   
  
"Damnit! Would both of you just stop! This is no time for a cat fight!" Van screamed, trying to sound angry, but it just came out in an adorable little doggy voice. Hitomi and Merle both stopped fighting and stared at Van with starry eyes.   
  
"AWWWW!! That's *so* cute!"   
  
"Kawaii, kawaii, KAWAII!"   
  
"Shit…not again…"   
  
Van jumped up and prepared to run for his life. Two hands scooped him up before he could get a paw off the ground, and he was soon being smothered between to ecstatic girls.   
  
"Guys…*hack* I can't…*wheeze*…B-breathe…"   
  
"You are just the most adorable thing I have ever seen!"   
  
"Your just so cute! Aren't you? Yes you are! You're my wittle baby!"   
  
Hitomi and Merle continued to fuss over the Van puppy, while Van's face was turning more purple by the second. Of course, the two girls were too busy petting him to death to notice.   
  
"Uhh…guys…" Allen started.   
  
Both girls whipped their heads around and glared at him "WHAT!?"   
  
Allen coughed and pointed to Van. The girls looked down and gasped. Van's face was a bright blue, and his cheeks were puffed up like a gerbal. His eyes were popping out of their sockets, and he looked about ready to explode.   
  
"VAN!" They both shouted, and let go at the same time. Van sucked in a long breath before falling flat on his face with a 'plop'.   
  
"Oh Van, I'm so sorry!"   
  
"I didn't mean it, really!"   
  
"I am so so so so sorry!"   
  
"Are you alright??"   
  
Van wheezed and managed to lift a little puppy paw to wave the girls off. "Just…peachy…keen…"   
  
That caused both of them to cry out and fuss over him more.   
  
"Guys, damnit, leave him alone! What the hell is the matter with you!?"   
  
"We just can't help it! It's like…a weird force just takes over." Hitomi said while giving the little Van-puppy CPR. Much to Merles distaste.   
  
But Van seemed to be loving it.   
  
"It must be part of the curse. We really have to find this old fart and make him turn Van back."   
  
"Oh yeah? How? He must have left town a long time ago. And even is he's still there, you think he's gonna help us?"   
  
"We'll make him help us! Just look at poor Van!" Hitomi cried, lifting the little puppy for all to see. Van had little circles in his eyes, and his cheeks were bright red. He also had a really dopey grin on his face.   
  
"He looks like he's on drugs…"   
  
"Allen!"   
  
"WHAT!? He does!"   
  
~**~   
  
"Are you sure you can find him?" Allen asked skeptically, cocking a slender eyebrow. "I mean…forgive me for being rude…but…a crystal ball?"   
  
"HUSH!!" The woman screamed, throwing her arms up into the air and shaking them with all her might. The THOUSANDS of bracelets on her arms jingled with every movement. "the spirits…I can feel them…hush…listen…"   
  
Everyone blinked and leaned into the crystal ball, trying to hear the 'spirits.'   
  
"OOOHHHH!!!!" She screamed into their ears. They all screamed and jumped back, covering their abused ears. "I can FEEL it! Can you FEEL it!?"   
  
"YEAH, YEAH, WE FRIGGEN FEEL IT!" Allen shouted, sticking a finger in his ear and jerking it around a bit. "I think my ear popped…"   
  
The 'psychic' suddenly got a grave expression on her face, and she stalked up to Hitomi and pressed her forehead against hers. Hitomi made a noise and took a step back, clutching Van to her stomach. Every step back Hitomi took, the woman advanced.   
  
"I see…I see things in you…"   
  
"Err…okay…" Hitomi walked away faster.   
  
"THERE it is!" She screeched, jabbing a finger in Hitomi's direction.   
  
"There is *WHAT*?" Allen and Merle asked, exasperated.   
  
"The piece…The piece to the great PUZZLE!" She exclaimed, and pointed to Van. Van had the sudden urge to run.   
  
"Can we…please…just get on with this?" Hitomi squeaked, backing up into the wall.   
  
"Yes, but I will need the puppy…" She said, extending her boney arms towards Van.   
  
Van squeaked and looked up at Hitomi with the biggest, badest, wettest puppy eyes he could manage. He also pouted for good measure. "Please don't give me to her!"   
  
Hitomi melted on the spot. "Er, sorry. I'll hold him."   
  
Van cheered inwardly.   
  
The old lady shook her head. "I'm afraid that will not do. I NEED the little PUPPY! NEEED it!" She then threw back her head and cackled.   
  
Allen, Hitomi and Merle exchanged glances.   
  
"Excuse us." Allen said, grabbing Hitomi and Merle and dragging them a good distance from the weird lady.   
  
"Okay, anyone else think she's got a few screws loose?"   
  
"Try ALL of them!" Merle hissed.   
  
"Your not actually going to trust her, are you? Your not gonna give me to her!" Van pleaded.   
  
"Well…sure, she's a touch…eccentric, but she might be able to help. Maybe we should give her a try."   
  
"Your out of your bloody mind!!" Van said, beginning to panic.   
  
"Common, Van. You want to be back to normal, don't you?"   
  
"Well…yes…but not THAT badly! What if she eats me or something!"   
  
"Oh, don't be ridiculous. Common, we're going back." Allen and Merle sighed and followed Hitomi as she sauntered back to the old lady who was waiting patiently at her table.   
  
"Ready to start?"   
  
Hitomi nodded and Van whimpered. The lady smiled and stood up. "I'll need the…puppy…" she drooled, licking her lips. Van 'yipped' and curled into a little ball in Hitomi's arms.   
  
"No way. Nowaynowaynowaynoway."   
  
"Oh…common now, Van. It can't be…that…bad…" Hitomi started to falter when she saw the looks the lady was giving Van. She shook her head and nodded. _Common, Hitomi. You have to do this for Van._ Hitomi gulped and started to hand Van over to the lady. Van saw what was happening and clung to Hitomi with all his might.   
  
"Van!"   
  
"Oh, HELL NO!" Van shouted, holding on even tighter. Hitomi growled and ripped Van off her, pulling her sleeves and bow off with him. She blinked at the little puppy's ability to hold on for dear life, and handed him to the lady. She smiled down at Van, and Van shuttered.   
  
"Well, let's get started." She said, sitting down at her table. Merle did NOT look happy with the old lady having Van, and sat down beside her. Allen pulled up a chair next to Merle, and Hitomi sat on the other side of the old lady. "Now!" she said, pulling up her sleeves. "To find this old man, we have to have a TINY little SACRIFICE…" She cackled, turning to Van. Van paled and jumped up to bolt, but the lady slammed a knife down in front of him, stopping him in his tracks.   
  
Allen jumped up and grabbed the hilt of his sword. Merle started screaming and launched herself at the old lady. Hitomi looked horrified and she reached for Van. Then everything happened at once.   
  
The old lady whipped around and threw her crystal ball at Allen, hitting him square in the face. Allen wobbled around a bit then twirled around and fainted.   
  
Then she ducked under the table and Merle dived at her. Merle went sailing over her right into the nearest brick wall. She groaned, peeled herself off, and fell to the floor with a loud 'plop'.   
  
The old lady then turned to Hitomi and hissed at her. She grabbed the knife off the table and started jabbing it at Hitomi. Hitomi screamed and jumped back.   
  
"Damnit, you ARE insane!!"   
  
"Yeah, but there's nothing you can do about it now! HHEHEHEHE." The old lady stopped trying to squewer Hitomi and started laughing maniacally. Then her head turned around in a full 360 degree circle and she started foaming at the mouth. Hitomi gulped, turned on her heal, and ran for all she was worth.   
  
The old lady took off after Hitomi. Hitomi looked behind her to see the old lady hot on her heal, snorting like a bull. She looked around frantically for something to fight her off with, but all she could find was a pan hanging on the wall. Snatching it off it's hook, Hitomi whipped around and stood her ground.   
  
The old lady stopped and help up her knife, and Hitomi branded her pan. They began circling each other, and a tumbleweed blew past them. Western music started to play in the background, and their fingers twitched on their weapons. They both realized the change in scenery and turned around to see Van next to a stereo, throwing tumbleweeds everywhere.   
  
Van looked up and smiled sheepishly. "What? It seemed appropriate!"   
  
Hitomi and the old lady shook their heads and Van sighed and turned the music off. "Yeesh, sorry."   
  
Hitomi and the old lady turned to each other again. With a final cry from the old crone they attacked.   
  
The old forture teller put the knife between her teeth and put up her fists in a boxing position. Hitomi put the pan under her arm and did the same. They circled each other again and then Hitomi's arm shot out and hit the woman square in the jaw. She wobbled back, then growled and punched at Hitomi. Hitomi ducked and hopped from one foot to the other, circling the woman.   
  
"You picked the wrong chick to box with, you old fart! I'm the best boxer in my class!"   
  
"You stupid younglings don't know what it is to box!" She screamed, sending a fist flying for Hitomi's stomach. Hitomi grabbed the pan and blocked her fist with it. The lady's fist connected with the pan and she howled and pulled it back. Hitomi chuckled and put the pan back under her arm. She took a deep breath and went all out. She punched the woman in the stomach, then in the jaw, then in her abdomen. Punch, punch, block, punch, block, bite, kick, slap. It suddenly went from a boxing match to an all out bitch-fight. They kicked and slapped and clawed at each other.   
  
"Slut!" Hitomi cursed, slapping the old lady across the face. The fortuneteller gasped and slammed her foot onto Hitomi's.   
  
"Skank!(1)"   
  
Hitomi growled and scratched the old woman across the face.   
  
"Bitch!"   
  
The psychic grabbed onto the little hair Hitomi has and pulled with all her might. Hitomi cried out and tried to swat her away.   
  
"Hoe!"   
  
That was the last straw for Hitomi. She snarled, wound up, and punched the old lady in the stomach. The old woman flew back a good five feet and slammed into the table. The table broke underneath her and they all went down in a pile of smoke. Hitomi grinned and whipped her hands off.   
  
But the old lady wasn't done yet.   
  
She flew up from the debris and landed on her feet. She grabbed a piece of wood and threw it at Hitomi. Suddenly everything went slow motion. Hitomi bent back and the wood sailed above her body, Matrix style. The woman threw more and more wood, and Hitomi moved around in her bent back position, and the wood slowly flew harmlessly by her. Suddenly there was a sound like a record coming to an abrupt halt, and two men in business suits walked out of hammerspace and shoved a piece of paper in Hitomi's face.   
  
"We come from the Copy Right Bureau of Annoying Lawyers, and we demand that this un-authorized imitation of 'The Matrix' come to an imidiate halt! Sam?" He snapped his fingers at his partner. The tall, bulky man walked up to the old lady, grabbed the wood from her hands and snapped it in half. He dropped it onto the floor, stomped on it, then walked away. The old woman looked at the piece of wood with watery eyes.   
  
The two business men bow and walk back into hammerspace.   
  
Hitomi and the old psychic stand with wide eyes for a while before they both snap back to reality.   
  
"Damn annoying lawyers…"   
  
"Really!" the woman snorted. "You think you'd be able to have a little fun without getting your head bitten off!"   
  
They both stared at each other a bit longer, then began circling again. The old lady screamed and slashed at Hitomi with her knife.   
  
Hitomi ducked under the old lady's legs just as she slashed at her, and came up on the other side. She jumped up behind her and whacked her across the head with her pan as hard as she could. There was a loud "BOONNGG" as the pan vibrated after being hit so hard, and the old lady went stiff. Just when Hitomi thought she had won, the woman whipped around and glared at Hitomi.   
  
"Yah know, that kinda hurt."   
  
"Err…yeah. That was the plan…"   
  
"What kind of a nutcase are you!?"   
  
Hitomi stepped back in shock. She opened and shut her mouth a few times, but nothing came out. Finally she just blurted out. "Wa-WHAT!?"   
  
"You heard me! What kind of a psycho goes around hitting people with pans!?"   
  
"B-but you-"   
  
"But I what? Came after you with a knife? Tried to gut your dog-boyfriend over there? Is that any excuse to hit people?"   
  
"YES!"   
  
The lady scowled and shook her knife at Hitomi. Hitomi 'meeped' and backed up. "I swear! You teenagers! So disrespectful!"   
  
Hitomi was completely lost. "I'm…er…sorry?"   
  
"HA! Sorry isn't good enough, missy. Now get your trouble making butt out of here!" She scolded, and pointed to the door.   
  
"Y-yes, m'am!" Hitomi ran to the table, grabbed Van, stuffed him in her shirt and ran over to Merle. She grabbed her by the tail, dragged her over to Allen, grabbed him by the arm and hauled the both of them out of her hut.   
  
"Man…that was WEIRD."   
  
~**~   
  
End of part one! Damn that fight scene was long…oh well ^_^ I had too many idea's. Stay tuned for the next part! Ja!   
  
1) -Everyone at my school calls each other a 'skank'. I just had to add it in ^_^.   



	2. And the search starts

  
  


Curse of the Puppy, Chapter 2 

  
  
  
Allen and Merle both stare at Hitomi with wide, unbelieving eyes.   
  
"And then she got pissy at you!?" Merle gasps, holding the icepack to her face.   
  
Hitomi nods and sighs. "Yeah. But I knew an opening when I saw one. I hauled my butt outta there so fast…"   
  
"Well, that's the last time I rely on a psychic…" Allen mutters, also holding an icepack to his face.   
  
They all groan and nod.   
  
Van is sleeping contently in Hitomi's lap, little sleeping bubbles forming on his nose. Hitomi pokes him in the belly softly, trying to think of what to do next.   
  
"Umm…Hitomi, aren't you kinda psychic? Why can't you do a search on him?"   
  
Hitomi looks at Merle and shakes her head. "There's no way I could do it. I need to concentrate on my target. I have no idea what this guy looks like."   
  
"Well *I* do!" Merle shouts defiantly, rising. "And I say we give it a try! Who knows what we could come up with?" Patriotic music starts to play in the background, and Merle puts her fist to her heart. "Why, it's my duty to Van-sama as a subject and best friend, to try EVERYTHING possible to help him! I'm not going to stand around and do nothing!" The Fanalian flag appears in the background. "As whatever god you people pray for is my witness, I SHALL return Van-sama to his normal form, I sha-"   
  
"Merle…" Hitomi starts, rubbing her temples.   
  
Merle blinks and stares at Hitomi. "Yes?"   
  
"SHUT UP!" Hitomi and Allen shout. Merle, offended, stops her speech and plops back down, muttering.   
  
"Why don't we just SEARCH for him like normal people?" Allen grits out, becoming annoyed at the lack of sensible action.   
  
"Oh yeah, going on a wild goose-chase is really gonna help Van!" Hitomi counters, glaring at Allen.   
  
"Well it's better then taking him to nutty old women who are more interested in EATING him then helping him!!"   
  
"GUYS!" Merle shouts, jumping up between Allen and Hitomi before they rip each others heads off. "No fighting! This isn't helping Va-"   
  
"SHUT UP, MERLE!" Hitomi and Allen shout, turning their fury on the poor cat-girl. Once again Merle backs off, muttering about how she isn't appreciated.   
  
"Uhh…guys…"   
  
Everyone turns to look at Van, who is sitting on his hind legs, looking up at Hitomi and Allen with a little puppy eyebrow raised.   
  
"First of all, clawing at each others throats isn't going to get you anywhere. Secondly, I happen to know a lot about Omake, and I know where he would go if he were to leave town."   
  
Hitomi, Allen and Merle stare at Van with open mouths.   
  
"Why didn't you tell us BEFORE?" Allen grounds out through clenched teeth.   
  
Van shrugs. "You guys just looked so content arguing, I didn't want to bother. Besides, it's fun watching you squirm."   
  
Van suddenly realizes that that wasn't the best thing he could have said. He laughs nervously, backing away from three very murderous looking people stalking towards him, pitchforks raised.   
  
"Ehehe…peace?"   
  
Allen, Hitomi and Van launch themselves at Merle, bringing down their weapons just as Merle squeals and dives out of the way.   
  
"GUYS! STOP! WRONG PERSON!!"   
  
They halt their next attack mid-air as they realize that they're trying to mutilate the wrong animal.   
  
"Wait…how…?" Hitomi thinks aloud, turning and looking at Van, who is smiling widely at all of them.   
  
"How the hell did you switch places like that??"   
  
"I'm the main Character" Van answers, smirking. "I can do whatever I want." And with that, he prances away, cackling.   
  
~**~   
  
Grunting, Allen hefts the last of the cargo onto the wagon and wipes the sweat from his brow. "Damn women, who knew they'd pack so much…"   
  
"Aaaaa~llleeennn!"   
  
Allen groans and bangs his head on the side of the wagon. "Why wont she just leave me alone!"   
  
"Oh Allen-pookie!" Millerna cries, racing towards the wagon. Allen silently plea's that she'd trip and bang her head on a rock, but she makes it over safely. "Oh Allen, there you are! Would you mind taking this too?" She gestures to the side, and a servant drops a very big and VERY heavy suitcase into Allen's already strained arms.   
  
"No…" grunt "Problem…."   
  
"Wai! Your such a gentleman!" She giggles, tickling Allen under his chin and bouncing away. Allen curses and throws the suitcase into the wagon, rubbing his abused limbs.   
  
Millerna had recovered fully from…whatever sickness had her before, and she insisted on coming on the trip. They had all been weary to trust her, especially Van, but she ended up coming anyway.   
  
"Are we packed and ready to go?" Van asks, trotting up to Allen. Allen nods stiffly and rotates his neck in a poor attempt to get the muscles to stop aching.   
  
"Yeah, as soon as the WOMEN stop PACKING the entire castle!"   
  
Van chuckles and jumps onto the wagon. "For once, I'm glad I'm a defenseless puppy."   
  
Allen shoots Van a glare before abruptly catching Hitomi's duffle bag and throwing it onto the wagon.   
  
"Nice catch!" Hitomi comments, jogging up to the wagon. "Well, I'm done. Where is Merle and Millerna?"   
  
"I'm here!" Merle shouts popping up from the other side of the wagon, scaring the you-know-what out of everyone.   
  
"And I'm right here!" Millerna shouts, floating down from…er…somewhere. Everyone stares at her with wide eyes as she touches the ground and straightens out her skirt. "Well! Shall we go?"   
  
"H-how…?" Allen stammers, pointing to the spot where Millerna landed. Millerna giggles and grabs Allen's extended finger, dragging him up onto the wagon.   
  
"I think wonderful thoughts!" She exclaims happily.   
  
"Any happy little thought!" A boy in green tights and a feathered hat exclaims, flying around them, arms extended.   
  
"Yo, your in the wrong cartoon. This is Anime. Haul your pansy ass back to Disney, flyboy."   
  
Peter Pan frowns at Hitomi and sticks out his tong. "Your just pissy because you've got wrinkles!" and he fly's off.   
  
Hitomi snorts and shrugs. "Whatever. He's just trying to get to me." She stops for a second then touches her face. "Right…? I don't have wrinkles, do I?"   
  
Everyone coughs and goes about their business.   
  
"DO I!?"   
  
"Alright people! All aboard!" Allen shouts, waving to everyone.   
  
Hitomi hops up onto the wagon, holding her face self-consciously.   
  
Allen grabs the reins and whips the horses with them, causing them to trot away from the castle. Van scampers up to the front of the wagon and lets the wind ruffle his fur, his tong hanging out of his mouth.   
  
"Bye, bye castle!" Millerna waves to the castle smiling broadly. "Say bye, bye, Vanny!" Millerna yanks Van off the front of the wagon, grabs his arm, and forces it to wave to the castle. "Bye, bye!"   
  
Van isn't happy about this.   
  
" Shoot me -_-;;;;"   
  
~**~   
  
They ride for days, over hills, on mountains, through rivers –Err…wait…sorry. I got mixed up…   
  
*coughs* ANYWAYS! It was a long and comfortable journey. Millerna busied herself with doing Van's hair, which provided a laugh for everyone except Van. Allen manned the horses most of the time, but occasionally he'd hand the rein over to Van.   
  
Yes people, Van could steer a wagon. I know he's just a puppy. No, I'm not crazy. Shut up, damnit!   
  
  
"Hey, when are we gonna get to Hollow Wind Forest?" Merle asks, yawning. "This is getting annoying. I'm sick of being in a wagon all day!"   
  
"Oh, quit your bellyaching." Van snaps. "It's not much fun for me either. Try having this bimbo" He gestures to Millerna "put your hair in braids and fuzzy pink bows all day. It's grating on my nerves AND pride!"   
  
"Why don't you BOTH shut up!?" Hitomi snaps, also in a foul mood.   
  
"Okay people, calm down." Allen reaches into a bag and pulls out a huge rode map. "Lets see…" He puts the map infront of his face, completely obscuring his view of the rode. Everyone notices and pale visibly.   
  
"Err…Allen…"   
  
"Not now, Van. Now, this is the Hollow Wind Forest." Allen says jabbing at a spot on the map. "And here's us, smack in the middle of nowhere…"   
  
With Allen busy studying the map, there's no one to control the wagon. The horses jerk to the left, causing everyone to topple in that direction.   
  
"ALLEN!" Everyone shouts, hanging on for dear life.   
  
"Not NOW!" Allen shouts, ignoring their cries for help as they're pitched to the right. "Lets see…if we turn left at the Albardien fork…and then keep going straight for a day…"   
  
"Allen, for the love of Gwad, Look.At.The.Road!!!"   
  
Ignoring Van's pleas, Allen continues to study the map.   
  
"We're all going to die!!" Merle shouts, grabbing onto the side of the wagon for dear life.   
  
"My, my. This wont do at all…" Millerna tuts, rubbing her backside as she's slammed rather painfully into the back of the wagon.   
  
"H-help…" Van rasps "I'm…being…crushed…"   
  
Hitomi turns around to look for Van and shrieks. Van is stuck underneath one of Millerna's huge trunks. Hitomi runs over to Van and grabs hold of the trunk.   
  
"Hang on, Va-AAAHH!!" The wagon suddenly jumps as it goes over a huge rock, and Hitomi is thrown to the back of the wagon.   
  
"Ugh…" Van moans.   
  
Hitomi sits up and shakes her head. She looks determinedly onward and crawls defiantly over to Van. "Hang on!"   
  
"ALLEN YOU IDIOT! YOU'LL GET US ALL KILLED!"   
  
Everyone looks over at Millerna in surprise.   
  
She huffs and crosses her arms "What!? There's only so much I'll take!"   
  
Hitomi reaches Van again and shoves the trunk off him. She sucks in a sharp breath when she sees Van's condition –flat as a bloody doormat.   
  
"Oh, Van!" Hitomi wails peeling him off the floor and cradling him in her arms. "Are you alright?"   
  
"Do I bloody look alright?" Van croaks.   
  
Hitomi, now royally pissed off, stomps over to Allen and grabs the map out of his hands.   
  
"Hey!" Allen begins to protest, but shuts up when he sees Hitomi's angry expression.   
  
"You moron! Look what you did to Van!" She shouts, shoving Van's flat body in Allens face. Allen gulps and laughs nervously. "Now get your stupid ass in gear and WATCH THE DAMN ROAD!"   
  
Allen nods vigorously and grabs the reins again, steadying the horses. Everyone in the back of the wagon sigh and tend to their many bruises.   
  
~**~   
  
End of Chapter 2! I promise more will happen in chapter 3. But I kinda have exams to study for now, so…yeah. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. 


	3. Who knew we'd have to walk?

  


Curse of the Puppy part 3 

  
  
Yeah. Sorry it took me so long to get this part out. New semester started and I really have a lot of work to do. Damn programming…anywho, enjoy!   
  
~**~   
  
The wagon comes to an abrupt halt near the edge of the river. Allen jumps out of the wagon and tests the depth of the water.   
  
"It's pretty shallow. We can make it across if we avoid the jagged rocks."   
  
"Err…Allen…" Van stars, looking quite horrified.   
  
"What? What's the matter?"   
  
"You might want to avoid the man-eating piranhas, too…"   
  
Allens eyes widen as he looks down at his feet. Sure enough, there's a swarm of piranha's chewing happily at his boots. One has gotten through the leather and is gnawing on Allen's toe. Allen takes a few seconds to register the pain, then calmly steps out of the water. Everyone waits for a reaction from Allen.   
  
"Allen…are you okay?"   
  
Allen nods calmly at Hitomi.   
  
"I'm great. Well…there is the SEARING PAIN IN BOTH MY FEET!!!!" Allen shouts. He grabs the foot with the chewed toe and jumps around in circles, blowing on his toe.   
  
"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, OWIES!!!!" Allen screams, tears brimming his eyes.   
  
Everyone visibly winces and try's to figure out a way to cross the bridge without ending up like Allen. Of course, it's kind of hard to think when you have a man screaming blue murder behind you. This problem was dealt with quickly and efficiently with one swing of the pan that Millerna had brought with her. With a satisfying 'BONG' Allen was on the floor with little x's in his eyes.   
  
"Well, that took care of that." Millerna said, putting her frying pan back into her bag. Everyone took a good couple of bum-steps away from Millerna.   
  
"Errr…right. So. Is there any way to cross the bridge without being eaten alive?"   
  
Everyone goes back into thinking mode. They ponder for a good 20 minutes before Van speaks up.   
  
"Why don't we build ourselves a bridge? It shouldn't take too long, and it should protect us from the devil fishies."   
  
Everyone nods in agreement.   
  
"But, how are we going to build it? Did we even pack any tools?" Hitomi asks.   
  
Everyone goes deadly silent.   
  
"Did we….?" Van asks the group slowly.   
  
"Well, I packed makeup, cooking supplies, food, rope, tents, clothes, more makeup, a sink, my bureau, and a laptop…hmm…nope, I didn't pack any. I thought you were going to, Van."   
  
"I thought Allen was going to…well, we can't ask him now. How about you, Hitomi?"   
  
"Nope. I thought you and Allen were going to do that. I packed food, clothes and my tarot cards."   
  
"Merle??" Van questions desperately.   
  
"Nope. I didn't pack anything. I was leaving that stuff to you guys."   
  
Van gulps audibly and checks Allen's bags. He snarls and tosses it over his shoulder. The pack sails harmlessly over the horses and lands with a thump on Allen's head.   
  
"Hair Care products!" Van hisses. "Can't the think about anything but his stupid hair!?"   
  
"Obviously not…" Merle mutters.   
  
"So how the hell are we supposed to make this bridge if we don't have anything to make it with?" Hitomi asks in a whiney voice.   
  
"I guess we'll have to find another way across…"   
  
"Why don't we use Allen as a human bridge? Then he'll actually be of some use…" Merle chuckles. She pales when she sees everyone's heads shoot up. "Uhh…guys…I was just kidding. Your not –WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?"   
  
Everyone stops and looks at Merle. They are all holding onto Allen, and are positioning him above the river.   
  
"What? We are taking your advice. It's a good idea. He survived before, he'll do it again."   
  
Merle stares at Van, her mouth making a wide O. "I can't believe you, Van-sama! This is just wrong! I mean, how would you like it if you were used as a human bridge when you were unconscious? I bet you'd be pretty peeved off. I mean, what kinds of friends are we!? We'll just have to find some other way…to…" Merle stops her speech and sweatdrops. While she was pouring her heart out, the rest of the Esca gang had used Allen's body as a large stepping-stone, and were now safely across the river. The wagon was there, too.   
  
"You guys are sick…" Merle comments, jumping onto Allen then jumping onto the other side. When Merle was safely across, Hitomi and Millerna drag Allen's body out of the water and flip him over.   
  
To say Allen was in bad shape would be an understatement. Actually, the look is so gory, that I'm not permitted to describe it, or else I'll have to change the rating to 'R'.   
  
Anyways, Millerna bandages Allen up as best she can, and they continue on their journey with Van steering the wagon.   
  
~**~   
  
A couple of minutes later, Millerna realizes something and calls to Van. "Hey, we know that this guy is in this forest, but where exactly is he? I mean, are we just supposed to look around until we find him? Won't that take a while? And what if he already left?"   
  
"I know where he usually is. He hangs around in the middle of the forest around a really spooky lake. If he isn't there, then I know someone else who could help us."   
  
Millerna nods, satisfied, and resumes her task of counting the trees in the forest.   
  
The wagon comes to a stop, and Van turns and speaks to his friends. "Alright. We're almost at the middle of the forest. We have to go the rest of the way on foot or else he'll hear us coming and take off. Take ONLY the things we NEED. Food, clothes, blankets, ex. No hair care products or makeup. I mean it, Millerna." Van warns, seeing Millerna try to stuff some lipstick into her bra. She giggles nervously and takes it out, packing a few blankets into her pack instead.   
  
After slapping Allen awake, and hiding anything with a reflective surface from him, they take all their belongings and head out.   
  
After about 10 minutes of hiking, Allen starts to whine that his feet hurt, and Millerna keeps stopping and trying to talk to the trees. After about 10 more minutes of whining and being waylaid by Millerna, Van cracks and orders them to camp.   
  
"I swear, you people are pathetic…" Van mumbles, trying to set up his tent. He stops when he's almost crushed by the tent pole, and decides to just sleep in Hitomi's tent.   
  
After eating roasted chipmunk and singing annoying campfire songs that no one really knows the words to, the gang puts the fire out and goes to sleep.   
  
~**~   
  
Halfway through the night, Hitomi is awakened by a snapping sound. She looks over and sees Van still sleeping contently, wrapped up in her jacket. She decides not to wake him since he can't do shit if their attacked anyway, and heads out to see what made the sound.   
  
After searching around the camp for a good five minutes, Hiotmi calls it her imagination and heads back to her tent. Just when she opens up the flap, she hears it again. She whips around and looks into the forest. She sees nothing, but hears the sound again. Now being royally freaked out, Hitomi decides to wake Allen up. She crawls into his tent and shakes him.   
  
"Allen…Allen, common wake up. I hear something. I'm freaked out. I'd wake up Van, but he's just a puppy, so all he'd be able to do is bark, which is really pointless if we're being attacked by orcs. And don't tell me I'm reading too much The Lord of the Rings, because this place isn't exactly New York. Hello? Are you awake yet? Allen??"   
  
Allen snorts and rolls over, pulling the covers over his head. Hitomi glares at him, than yelps when she hears the sound again. Seeing no other choice, Hitomi grabs a pan which just happened to be there, and whacks Allen over the head –quietly.   
  
Allen yelps and jumps up, unsheathing his sword and looking around his tent frantically. "Who!? What!? Where!?" He stops when he sees Hitomi sitting on the floor, staring at him.   
  
"Allen, the baddies are outside."   
  
"WHAT baddies!? The only thing this forest has is chipmunks, but I think they're all gone now that we roasted ten of their buddies."   
  
Hitomi narrows her eyes at him and grabs his arm, dragging him outside his tent. "Damnit, Allen. I heard a snapping noise. Three times. It's no chipmunk. I think…I think it's orcs…"   
  
"Orcs? What the hell is an orc? Are you licking tree's again?"   
  
"Shhh!" Hitomi hisses, crouching down. "An orc in an elf who was tortured and killed. They're real nasty…"   
  
Allen stands behind Hitomi while she crawls around, scratching his head. "What the hell in an elf?"   
  
Suddenly they both hear the snapping noise, and Allen readies his sword. "Your right, that's no chipmunk…"   
  
They both gasp when they see a figure emerge from the forest, his bow raised. He sees the two of them and lowers it a bit.   
  
"Excuse me, travelers. But might any of you be able to aid me in finding Rivendell? I seem to be quite lost. This forest is queer and unrecognizable."   
  
Allen looks lost as to where 'rivendell' is, but Hitomi has a completely different expression on her face.   
  
"OH MY GOD! ITS LEGOLAS!" She squeals, bouncing up and down. Legolas's eyes widen and he raises his bow again, aiming it at Hitomi.(1)   
  
"How do you know my name? We have never met, and you are clearly no elf."   
  
"OMG! You are Soooooo dreamy! Omg! Can I have your autograph!?"   
  
Legolas blinks and takes a few steps backwards. "Err…is she well?" He asks Allen, stringing another arrow just incase.   
  
"Hitomi? Umm…no comment, but I think you got the wrong show, buddy."   
  
Legolas sighs and nods. "I was afraid this was so. Well, I'd best be off." Legolas puts the arrows away and turns to leave. "Do you have any idea as to how I might return to my own realm? Your friend is starting to worry me, and if the folk around here are anything like her, I should like to get home sooner rather than later."   
  
"Walk towards the columns of light. Those seem to bring a lot of people here."   
  
Legolas nods his thanks, and takes off into the forest before Hitomi can pounce him.   
  
Hitomi lets out a wail of disappointment and kicks a rock with a pout. "Damnit. I bet elves are great in bed, too." Hitomi stomps over to her tent, tosses the flap back and dives into it. Allen is still really confused as to who the guy with the warped ears was, but he had really nice hair.   
  
~**~   
  
The next morning, the gang rises from a nice, warm, and long sleep. Everyone except Hitomi and Allen who couldn't get back to sleep. Hitomi was staying awake just incase any other cuties from The Lord of the Rings happened to stop by, and Allen was kept up by Hitomi's ramblings about how close she had been to shagging Legolas.   
  
After a quick breakfast, they pack their belongings and leave the camp site. Hitomi scoops up the twig Legolas had stepped on, and stuffs it in her bra.   
  
After about 20 minutes of walking, Allen passes out from lack of sleep, so Millerna is forced to carry him on her back. Another 20 minutes goes by, and Millerna passes out from exhaustion. By this time, Van has developed a rather nasty twitch in his left eye, Merle is about to strangle everyone, and Hitomi is about ready to pass out from heartbreak. After only 40 minutes of walking, they have barley gotten anywhere, and two of their friends are out cold. It's time for some quick thinking on Van's part.   
  
"Alright…" he grits out. "We're obviously not getting anywhere like this. If I had known that you people were in such bad shape, I would have gone alone. Now, someone wake Allen up and make him carry Millerna. We're going to walk for another ten minutes and then stop for a quick rest."   
  
After slapping Allen awake yet again, and hauling Millerna up onto his back, the gang starts hiking again. Van is so stressed that he can barley keep himself from banging his head against a nice sharp rock, so Hitomi is forced to carry him.   
  
When night falls, the group is a total mess. Van is having a nervous breakdown, Allen can barley keep his eyes open, Millerna is fussing over how ruined the bottom of her dress is from being dragged on the floor, Merle is about three seconds away from stabbing Millerna with something, and Hitomi is trying to keep Van from committing suicide. It doesn't look like they're going anywhere.   
  
When Allen is finally snoring peacefully by the campfire, Van is calmed down, and Millerna is given a needle and thread to fix up her skirt, the situation looks a lot better. Hitomi sets out to trap a few birds, and Merle is set on guard duty.   
  
"Okay…it looks like we're going to have to camp…AGAIN." Van hisses. "This journey was only suppose to take one day, but you stupid people are so bloody slow! Tomorrow we are getting up at 5 o'clock and we're going to hike until we reach the pricks hut, and I REALLY don't care if you people don't like it!!"   
  
Everyone nods curtly, and focuses on what they were doing.   
  
~**~   
  
The next morning, everyone is awoken bright and early by Van, and they set out five minutes later. They all walk considerably faster and with less complaints, and by no time they are facing a wooden cabin in a small clearing. They all hide behind a thick tree and huddle.   
  
"Alright. That SHOULD be his hut. A few things could happen from here. One; he took off while we were getting here, two; he's still in there, ready for us to pound. If he is there, we have to go VERY quietly, because if we're seen he could take off, or throw a nasty little curse at us. We REALLY don't need to be kittens right now." Van stops and looks everyone in the eye; they're all ready. "Alright. This is how we're going to do this. Me, Hitomi and Allen will sneak up from the back, crawl along the cabin, and stay at the front door. Merle and Millerna will stay at the side of the cabin one of you on each side. You'll be our backup. If you see something's wrong, grab a chipmunk or something and help us out. Alright, lets move…"   
  
They all nod and split up. Merle and Millerna tip toe over to opposite ends of the cabin and sit there. Van, Hitomi and Allen run to the back of the cabin, get down on all fours and crawl around the side, making sure to go under the windows. When they finally reach the front doors, they nod to Millerna and Merle, and Allen kicks the door down.   
  
To be continued.   
  
~**~   
  
Don't you just love cliffhangers? WAHAHAHA! I'll try to get the next part out soon. Hope you liked.   
1 –I really hope you people know who he is by now. You know, Legolas? Elf Prince? Lord of the Rings? If you haven't read the book, then you MUST have seen the movie. Anyways, a lot of people seem to be drooling over him, one of them being me, so why wouldn't Hitomi? ^___^. 


	4. Merle and Hitomi go mental

BODY { SCROLLBAR-ARROW-COLOR: white; SCROLLBAR-DARKSHADOW-COLOR: #00ccff; SCROLLBAR-BASE-COLOR: #66ccff }   
  
The old man cackles insanely, watching the group of adventurers through his crystal ball. He taps a long, thin, wrinkly finger on his chin and ponders. "Now, how shall I deal with this little problem, eh, my sweet?" He says, turning to regard a stuffed ferret.   
  
"Should I turn them all into snails and eat them for supper? Or should I make them go slowly, and have them kill each other?"   
  
The ferret stays stubbornly quiet.   
  
"Oh, I always knew you liked him better!"   
  
Silence.   
  
"Fine, be that way, I wont talk to you either…" The old man pouts in a kidish voice. He swings around, turning his back to the dead creature, his nose in the air. After a few seconds, he giggles and pounces it, clutching the stuffed animal to his chest.   
  
"Awww, how can I stay mad at woo? My wittle snumkins." He coo's, rocking back and forth. Then he sits up, an evil smile on his face.   
  
"Waiittt…I have the PERFECT idea!"   
  
~*~   
  
Van, Hitomi and Allen all gasp as the door crashes to the ground, and a huge cloud of dust rising up around them.   
  
When they're done hacking and wheezing, they slowly peer inside the cabin.   
  
Nothing.   
  
"DAMNIT!" Van snarles, sniffing around. "We were SO close…I'm going to be a stupid puppy forever!" His eyes start to water, and he sniffs dramatically, whipping his eyes with one of his paws. His lower lip quivers and he does a really good impression of a kicked puppy.   
  
"AWWW!!!" Hitomi wails, scooping Van up into her arms and snuggling the hell out of him. "That.Is.So.KAWAII!"   
  
Van chokes and Allen snickers. Then, suddenly, Hitomi goes stiff, dropping Van in the process. He squeaks indignantly and falls flat on his face, his little puppy booty hanging in the air. Allen blinks and steps up to Hitomi, waving his hand in her face.   
  
"Hiiitttoommi! Gaea to Hitomi!" He calls, but Hitomi's stare remains blank, and she doesn't blink.   
  
"Whats wrong with her?" Is Van's muffled question as he grabs his own tail and peels himself off the floor.   
  
"I don't know…she's ju-"   
  
"VAN!!" Hitomi suddenly screams, causing Allen to cry out and stumble backwards. Hitomi huffs and her hands fly to her hips. She stalks over to Van and towers over him, glaring at him with all her might.   
  
"H-Hitomi?" Van answers nervously. _This is not good. That's the 'You-are-gonna-get-your-ass-lectured' look…_   
  
"How could you DO this to me!?" She cries.   
  
"I-WHAT?? What are you talki-"   
  
"All these years that we've been together, all the moments we've shared, were all for NOTHING??"   
  
Van looks over at Allen, who looks just as puzzled. "Hitomi…What are you talking about? What moments? I've only known you for-"   
  
"OH! So now you're pretending not to know me!"   
  
"I never sai-"   
  
"Is 'use and abuse' your moto? You sick freak!"   
  
"Hitomi, what are you-"   
  
"Are you going to pretend that the night we made love also meant nothing!?"   
  
Allen squeaks and clamps a hand over his nose, and Van goes completely red.   
  
"What?? We never…I mean…WHAT!?"   
  
Millerna and Merle, who were listening from the bushes and only caught 'making love' and 'use and abuse' from their conversation thus far, were in a state of shock. Merle tried more then once to claw Hitomi's face off (with Millerna to hold her back, of course) and Millerna was tempted to go up to Van and smack the crap out of him (with Merle to hold her back, of course.)   
  
Hitomi's eyes fill with tears and she sniffles loudly. "I can't believe you, Van. I thought you were better then this. Were all those words of love and support that you whispered into my ears at night-"   
  
Allen was near tears with laughter, which he was quite unsuccessfully trying to hold back. Van just looked like he wanted to die.   
  
-" Just…just…PILLOW TALK?"   
  
Van takes a deep breath and tries to collect himself. _Okay, it's obvious that somehow, she's gone mental. All I have to do is be calm with her. Chicks like that crap, right?_   
  
"Hitomi. Listen…I really don't know what you're talking about. As far as I know, we've never really…been in a relationship that's more then friendship. Not that I wouldn't mind…but I don't think we ever…at least…I don't remember…ever…you know…" Van mumbles, doing weird jestures with his paws.   
  
Hitomi starts to bawl. "So you DO hate me!"   
  
"No! No I never-"   
  
"You're sick! You know that? SICK! You never listen to me, we never talk, you don't even take me out anymore!"   
  
Allen, just to let you all know, is currently rolling around on the floor with laughter.   
  
"'Out'?? Hitomi, what in the damn hell-"   
  
"That's it, Van. We're though…It's _over_."   
  
Allen stops laughing and gasps, horrified. Van blinks. "Over? What's over?"   
  
"Our relationship! It's over between us!"   
  
Now it's Van's turn to look horrified. _Oh crap! Does this mean she doesn't want to be my friend anymore? Aw, somehow, I blew it again! Now we're NEVER going to be something more…_ "B-but…Hitomi…WHAT DID I DO?? I swear I didn't do anything stupid this time!"   
  
"Are you DEAF? You cheated on me!"   
  
Allen makes some sort of a strangled choking sound, and Van squeaks. "WHAT!? Cheated on you?? But…what…I've never been…I mean…with who!?"   
  
"You know who, you sick freak. With…Millerna!"   
  
"What!?" Van cries.   
  
"WHAT!?" Allen snarles. Van snaps his head over to look at Allen, who is slowly unsheathing is sword.   
  
"Wait! Allen! Stop! I swear I never did it! I don't know what she's talking ab- wwaaaiiittt…you don't even like Millerna!"   
  
Allen opens his mouth to retort, then shuts it and blinks. "Hey…that's right. Well, I still have dibs on her. Just incase, you know, she goes back to normal. If she's as good in bed as her sister, then she's MINE, even if she is a nutcase."   
  
Van looks like he wants to puke, and there seems to be some sort of angry screaming coming from one of the bushes.   
  
Van whimpers. "Allen, help me out here. I don't know what to do…I have no idea what she's talking about."   
  
"Well, I think it's obvious what you have to do. Apologize, you moron."   
  
"B-but I never-"   
  
Allen sighs and shakes his head. "It doesn't MATTER. This is the way women are. They get pissy for no reason. It happens all the time. You just got to know how to handle them."   
  
Van still looks lost, so Allen continues. "Just apologize, say you're sorry, that you'll never do it again, and that you love her. Simple."   
  
Van takes on a beautiful shade of white, and shakes his head in protest. "Allen…this is nuts…we're not even-"   
  
"Just TRUST me on this, alright? I AM Gaea's best play-boy."   
  
Van sighs and turns to Hitomi, putting on one of his 'I'm cute, love me' looks. "Hitomi…I'm sorry."   
  
Hitomi stops crying and stares at Van. "Hun?"   
  
"I'm sorry that I…c-cheated on you with…" she shudders. "Millerna…I'll never do it again, because…" He looks over at Allen, who is waving him on. Van gulps and continues. "Because I…err…I…L…I mean I…L-loo…looo…"   
  
Allen squats next to Van, script in hand and whispers. "You're line is 'I love you'."   
  
"I can't say it…"   
  
"Sure you can! It's simple English. I.Love.You. Go on, say it."   
  
"No, you don't understand. I CAN'T say it." Van says through clenched teeth.   
  
"Yes, you CAN." Allen grits out.   
  
"No, I CAN'T."   
  
"CAN!"   
  
"CAN'T!!!"   
  
"CAN DAMNIT!!!!"   
  
"NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! I AM INCAPABLE OF SAYING THOSE THREE WORDS!"   
  
"WHAT THE HELL FOR!?"   
  
"I don't friggen know!!" Van whines. "It's like a curse…everytime I try to say something like that, it comes out all wrong and I get slapped."   
  
Allen raises a delicate eyebrow and crosses his arms. "…Show me."   
  
Van sighs. "Alright. You asked for it. But if it really hurts you're getting your leg chewed off." Van turns around and faces Hitomi. Hitomi brightens and clasps her hands together.   
  
He takes a deep breath and goes for it. "Hitomi, I…I…I want you ride you like a cowboy!" Van squeaks and clamps a paw over his mouth. Hitomi gaps, and Allen starts sputtering like an idiot.   
  
"You CREEP!" Hitomi screams, punching Van hard in the face. Now, since Van is nothing but a little puppy, and Hitomi towers over him by a good five feet, you can just guess how hard that hit actually hit him. She sent Van a good 20 feet backwards. Sent his head straight through the cabin walls. Youch. That HAD to hurt.   
  
Allen winces and Millerna dives on top of Merle to keep her from ripping Hitomi apart. Hitomi, meanwhile, is bawling her eyes out. Allen walks up to Van's little puppy fanny sticking out of the wall, grabs his tail, and pulls him out. Van moans and twitches, little swirlies in his eyes.   
  
"Man, Hitomi has one mean right hook." Allen says, poking Van and getting a leg-twitch in response. "Van? Are you okay? I definitely see your point now, but I think I can help you out."   
  
Van cracks an eye open, and Allen lifts him up and shoves him in Hitomi's face. "Hitomi? Van has something he wants to say to you."   
  
Hitomi whips around and glares at Van. "I don't want to talk to him!" She shouts, then turns around again and blows her nose onto her sleeve.   
  
"Yeah, well, that's okay, because all you have to do is listen." Allen says cheerfully. Van is fully awake by now, and biting Allen's hand for all he's worth.   
  
"Allen! You moron! I can't say it, remember!? I don't want to end up on the wrong side of a broken window!!"   
  
Allen grins and grabs hold of Van's jaw. "Who says YOUR going to talk?"   
  
Allen clears his throat and puts two of his fingers on the sides of Van's mouth. "Hitomi?" He squeaks in a poor attempt at Van's puppy voice. When Hitomi turns around, he starts to move Van's mouth up and down while talking. "I'm really, really sorry about what I said. I didn't mean it. I am a moron."   
  
Van growls at that one and starts to struggle, but Allen keeps him in a firm hold.   
  
Hitomi sniffles and runs her arm along her nose, a trail of snot left along it. "Really?"   
  
Allen bobs Van's head up and down in response. "Yes. I would never hurt you. You mean the world to me" he squeaks.   
  
Hitomi cries out with glee and claps her hands together. "Oh, Van!"   
  
"RAAAHHH!!" Merle snarls, digging her nails into the soil and pulling herself forward, trying to break out of Millerna's grasp. Millerna has Merle by the tail, and her heels are at least three feet into the ground.   
  
"Merle!" She hisses through clenched teeth. "Stop! Leave them alone! This moment is beautiful!"   
  
"Van-sama is MINE!" She screams, and leaps forward. Millerna is thrown off of her feet and dragged behind Merle.   
  
"M-merle! –Ouch! Stupid stick…- Stop!!!" Millerna screams as she's dragged through the forest, flying over rocks and bushes. Merle ignores her and runs onward, foam starting to form on her mouth.   
  
"Mine, mine, minemineminemine…" She chants.   
  
Millerna grabs a long branch and whacks Merle on the head with it, but it doesn't seem to faze her at all, so she keeps whacking. "MERLE! *whack* stop *whack* leave *whack* them *whack* ALONE! *whackwhackwhackwhack*."   
  
Merle continues to ignore Millerna and the series of bumps that have appeared on her head, and begins to close in on the trio. "SOON!"   
  
Millerna tosses the stick away and tries to stop Merle from running by digging her feet into the floor, but that doesn't work. She looks around frantically for a foothold and spots a tree. She wraps her legs around the base of the trunk and holds on for all she's worth. Merle yelps, does a very impressive back-flip, and lands on her head, her body sticking up in the air. Millerna sighs with relief.   
  
Meanwhile…   
  
"You're the most beautiful girl in the world. Your eyes are like diamonds. Your hair is…very silky."   
  
"Oh, go on!" Hitomi says, giggling.   
  
"You have the nicest…laugh. And you're a very pretty girl." Allen says, moving Van's jaws along to his words. Van fell asleep a good ten minutes ago, but Hitomi didn't seem to notice, so Allen continued to woo her. However, Allen was ready for his finale, which Van had to be conscious for, so when Hitomi looks down at a pretty leaf that blew across her foot, Allen raises Van above his head, and smashes him repeatedly on the cabin wall. Van awakes with a start and starts screaming.   
  
"OW! Owowowowow!! STOP IT YOU IDIOT!" He snarls between smashes. Allen stops and grins down at him.   
  
"Awake, sleeping prince?"   
  
"YES!!"   
  
"Good. Now call Hitomi." Allen orders. Van mutters something about executions and looks over at Hitomi. "Hey, Hitomi." Hitomi looks up and smiles sweetly at him.   
  
"Yes?"   
  
Allen grabs Van's jaw again and clears his throat. "I just wanted to say how much I love and adore you."   
  
Van chokes and turns a pretty red color, but Allen ignores him.   
  
"And want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?"   
  
Hitomi gasps, Merle screams, Millerna swoons and Van…well…I'm really not sure what Van is going. It looks like he's drowning…   
  
"OH,VAN! Of course I will! I love you!" Hitomi cries. She leaps forward, grabs Van out of Allen's hand and plants a huge, wet kiss on his…err…lips. Allen dusts his hands off, satisfied.   
  
Merle has now gone into full-blown rabid mode. I mean we have the foam, we have the cussing, we have the eating dirt, we have the need to taste blood, we even have the psychotic-look-in-the-eye. We also have Millerna, who has tied Merle to three tree's using vines, rope, chains (I have no idea where she found those. Honestly.) and something unidentifiable. She's also pinning her to the tree with her body, and has armed herself with a bazooka. (HEY! That's MINE! Stupid fic characters think they can take my stuff…)   
  
Meanwhile, Hitomi is still kissing Van, who is reduced to a pile of goo in Hitomi's arms, and Allen is snapping pictures of his handy-work.   
  
After a few minutes of smooching, Hitomi releases Van and he oozes off her and lands in a tidy pile of Van-goo on the floor. Hitomi hops around in circles happily, chanting. "I'm getting married! I'm getting married! Oh, it'll be so wonderful! We'll have a big house, and a pretty wedding, and lots of babies-"   
  
Van snaps an eye open. "Babies!? Wait…married!? Oh crap, that's right!" Van pulls himself together and pounces Allen.   
  
"You idiot! What have you done!? I'm not ready to get married yet! I don't even have a ring! My friggen kingdom isn't even finished yet! I-I haven't even gone on a date with her!"   
  
"Well, according to her, you've done a lot more then dating." Allen teases, waggling his eyebrows. Van chokes and turns read again.   
  
"That's beside the point. Look, I don't want to get married yet…and I'm not even human! I still have to catch that stupid old man…"   
  
"So you want to tell her you don't want her?"   
  
"NO!!!" Van screams, a little louder than he had intended. He blushes and shakes his head. "No, just…bah, I'll take care of it."   
  
Van walks up to Hitomi and tugs on her socks. She looks down and smiles at him. "Yes, love?"   
  
Van blushes at the pet name and scratches the back of his head. "When were you…ah…planning on getting married?"   
  
"Tomorrow!" She exclaims happily.   
  
"WHAT!?" Van screams. Hitomi looks taken aback, and she frowns.   
  
"You…you don't want me anymore?" She pouts, her lip quivering.   
  
"No! I mean, yes, yes, of course I do, it's just…ummm…im…err…shy?"   
  
Hitomi grins and pats Van on the head. "Aww, you cutie! I see what your problem is. So, two days then?"   
  
"Umm…I was thinking more along the lines of…a year?"   
  
"WHAT!? You don't want to marry me, do you!"   
  
"No! No, it's just…I want to…err…have time to make myself a better man for you. I mean I need to finish the renovations on Fanalia so you can have a nice place to live. And I need to…err…make more money to support you."   
  
Hitomi starts bawling. She dives down and scoops Van up, snuggling the hell out of him. "You are so SWEET! We're going to be so happy together!"   
  
Van grins stupidly and blushes. "Yeah…"   
  
Suddenly Allen runs up to them, panting like mad. "G-guys…you need to go find this guy on your own. Merle is going nuts, man. She almost took Millerna's throat out. There's no way she can go anywhere near Hitomi. Me and Millerna are going to try to find a way to…em…restrain her, then we'll catch up to you. And hey, this is a perfect opportunity for you two. I also have a lead on where he could be. Some dude was walking along the path and saw Merle. He was about to call the Cat-People-Gone-Loco society, but we stopped him. Seems he knows a lot about these parts. He said he saw some old nutty dude stuffing ferrets down near Hilitia. He matches Omake's description."   
  
"YEAH!" Van suddenly exclaims. "That's right! He always stuffs his dead pets, and he likes ferrets the best. Where did this guy go? I want to ask him more questions."   
  
Allen sweatdrops and draws little circles in the sand with his shoe. "Well…uhh…that's the thing. Before we could ask him more questions, Merle attacked him. She went right for his groin. Millerna says he'll never be able to have kids. Or…do anything else down there…" Allen says, wincing.   
  
Van shakes his head sadly. "I'm so disappointed in Merle…she's never acted like this before."   
  
"Well, you guys better get going. I brought the wagon up over there. We'll catch up to you soon."   
  
~*~   
  
And so, Hitomi and Van set off into the sunset together, while Millerna and Allen stayed behind to try and settle Merle down.   
  
"You want to do WHAT to Hitomi!?" Millerna gasps.   
  
"She's just delirious. I think she's dreaming about what she's saying…is that dog collar ready yet?"   
  
"No. Just a few more adjustments to the tightening mechanism. You said you wanted electric shocks installed into here too, right?"   
  
"Yeah. And could you pass that huge leaf over there? My muffle isn't going too good. Are you sure we should make it out of leather? Wouldn't steal be better?"   
  
"No, leather is fine."   
  
"RAWWRRR!! Mppphh….Hitomi die die die…"   
  
"Shut up, Merle."   
  
End of part 4. 


	5. The Angst Chpater. Boo Hoo.

BODY { SCROLLBAR-ARROW-COLOR: white; SCROLLBAR-DARKSHADOW-COLOR: #00ccff; SCROLLBAR-BASE-COLOR: #66ccff } Hitomi and Van walk along the path of the forest, watching the sunset as they go. Well, it's more like Hitomi is walking and Van's in Hitomi's arms. Having the breath squeezed out of him. Not that he really minds.   
  
"So, you said you wanted lilies at the wedding? I've always likes daisies, but lilies are just gorgeous. Oh! How about babies breath? Do you have that flower on this planet? Its sooo pretty!" Hitomi rambles. Her and Van have been talking about the wedding since they left Millerna and Allen with Merle. Well, it's more like Hitomi's been talking and Van's been listening, and occasionally agreeing. The whole prospect of suddenly being engaged to Hitomi when he's always dreamed of dating her is a little too surreal for Van, so he just sits contently in her arms and listens to her talk about their future life together.   
  
"Do you think Millerna and Merle would look better in pink or sky blue? Or maybe white with purple…oh, so many decisions!" Hitomi says, tapping her chin with her finger.   
  
Van's ears perk up as he hears talking in the distance. He lifts his head and listens harder, trying to block out Hitomi's babbling. "Hitomi, quiet for a sec."   
  
Hitomi stops talking and blinks down at Van. "Hun?"   
  
"Shhh!" Van hisses, and Hitomi frowns and huffs. Van strains his ears and listens harder, and soon he's able to make out a few words.   
  
"Where do you want it?"   
  
"Couch….pretty…be careful…"   
  
"That'll be….fifty…tax?"   
  
"That's fine."   
  
Van scowls as he finds the second voice agonizingly familiar. He can only make out a few words for their conversation, but it's obvious that something is being delivered to someone's house. Van's eyes widen and he whips his head around to face Hitomi.   
  
"Hitomi!! Where are we!?"   
  
"Uhh…" Hitomi starts, puzzled at Van's urgency. "We've just entered Hilitia."   
  
"That's him!!" Van cries, leaping out of Hitomi's arms and racing down the path.   
  
"Van!" Hitomi gasps, taking off after him. They run through the forest for about a minute, until Hitomi is forced to put on her Emergency Breaks™ (from Acme!) to keep from slamming into Van, who has suddenly stopped. Van snarls and leaps into a bush, and Hitomi follows quietly. "Van?" she asks, whispering. Van looks over at her and gestures towards the other side of the bush. Hitomi slowly sits up and peeks over the hedge.   
  
What Hitomi sees are two men: one old and hunched over, and one young and strong. The young man is holding out a piece of paper for the old man to sign. The bearded old geezer snatches the paper from the younger mans hand and writes something at the bottom of it with obvious impatience. He finishes and tosses it at the young man, who is forced to leap up and catch it before it can fall into a puddle of mud in between them. He grumbles something and flips the old man the bird when his back is turned.   
  
"You can _leave_ now." The old man drawls, petting the crate that was delivered to his cottage with enthusiasm. The young man looks down at the old fart with obvious distaste and mutters something else before hopping onto his cart and leaving.   
  
Hitomi shrinks back down with realization. "That old man…that's Omake, isn't it?"   
  
"Yeah" Van growls, his ears flat against his head.   
  
"So, what's in the box?"   
  
"Probably ingredients for spells, or more stuffed ferrets."   
  
Hitomi raises an eyebrow at Van, but doesn't say anything. _Stuffed ferrets. Riiiight…_ "So, how are we going to get him? It's just us two…how are we going to stop him if he knows magic?"   
  
Van stops dreaming about the fifty ways he can slaughter Omake and blinks up at Hitomi. "….Uhhh…"   
  
Hitomi scowls and rolls her eyes. "You men! Always ready to leap into danger without any sort of plan. What were you planning on doing? Chewing on his ankles?"   
  
"Possibly…." Van mutters, bowing his head.   
  
"Arg! Well, I say we stay put until Allen gets here. He's basically the only one who can fight -Err…at the present time, because of your…uh…predicament. But otherwise you could kick ass!" Hitomi sputters when she sees the look Van gives her when she says only Allen can fight.   
  
"Well…I don't like it. We have him unarmed when he's out of his house, and he's in sight. We could lose him if he goes inside. Remember last time?"   
  
"But we didn't even know he was there! We just saw his cabin. He could have been gone for hours, even days."   
  
"Or, he could have vanished. It isn't impossible. Look what he did to me!"   
  
Hitomi sighs and rubs her temple. "Alright, alright, so what do you suggest we do?"   
  
~*~   
  
"I can't WAIT to get you little fella's inside…" Omake giggles, rubbing his hands together. "My little snumpkins will finally have some of his own kind to play with. He'll be soooo happy!" He starts to giggle insanely, than stops and clears is throat. "Well, let's get you guys inside, eh?"   
  
Omake spits on both his hands, rubs them together, then bends down and grabs the crate. "Alright. Doesn't look too heavy. One, two, three! *SNAP* ARRGG!" He screams and lets go of the cart, grabbing his lower back. "Ouchouchouchouch!!" he bellows, running around in circles and kicking anything he sees. "That stupid child made it look so easy!"   
  
He stops, takes a few deep breaths, then bends down and tries again. "Alright. A one, a two, a THREEEEE!! Arrrhhh…" Omake grunts as he pulls, and pulls, and friggen PULLS, but the crate just doesn't move. Suddenly there's a loud 'pop' and Omake leaps up, screaming. "AHH! My ARMS!" He cries, looking down at the ground. Both his arms are laying there, popped right out of their sockets. And skin. Ewww.   
  
"Oh, this will not do at all!" He whines, tapping his foot on the ground and staring down at his arms in dismay. He would have scratched his head, but is unable to due to lack of anything to scratch his head with.   
  
Suddenly there is a roaring sound coming from the forest, and Omake whips his head around to where the sound came from. His eyes widen in shock as a little black puppy comes flying towards him as if out of nowhere, attaches himself to his face and starts biting for all he's worth.   
  
"RAAHHH! HELP! IT'S EATING MY FACE! OH DEAR GOD, IT HURTS!!!" Omake screams, running around in circles and banging his head on walls in a poor attempt to get Van off his face and leave his poor eyeballs the hell alone. It would have been a LOT easier if he had arms, though…   
  
"HELP! SOMEONE GET THIS BASTARD OFF ME! AH! MY EYES! I *NEED* THOSE!"   
  
"I'll kill you, you wrinkled old crone!" Van snarls around bites. Omake stops running around and gasps.   
  
"You!" He growls. Van answers by taking a nice chunk of his remaining hair out of his skull. Omake screams and starts banging his face against the nearest wall. "Getoffgetoffgetoff!!"   
  
"Err…Omake? I'm down here…"   
  
Omake stops banging and looks down. Van is sitting on the grass a few feet behind him. Omake blinks and looks up at the wall, then looks back down at Van. "Ohhh…no wonder it hurt so much…" He runs up to the nearest puddle and looks down at his reflection. Besides the bite marks, the scratch marks, the missing hair, and the chunk of his cheek that he new wasn't missing before, he sees a HUGE bump right in the middle of his forehead. I'm talking MOUNTAIN bump. Like, birds could nest on this thing.   
  
Omake lets out a ferocious snarl and runs at Van, intent on stomping the living piss out of him. But before he can even lift his foot, a loud 'clang' is heard, and Omake giggles and falls flat on his face. Hitomi stands above the unconscious Omake wielding a frying pan and looking quite smug.   
  
"NO ONE attacks MY Van-kuns."   
  
Van blushes and smiles up at Hitomi. "Nice job."   
  
"Arigato ^_^"   
  
~*~   
  
Omake groans as he opens his eyes and instantly enters a world of pain. His face hurts, the back of his head hurts, his elbows REALLY hurt, and his ankles feel like they're being sawed off.   
  
"Welcome back to the conscious world, Omake."   
  
Omake's head snaps up at the familiar voice. He narrows his eyes as best he can without causing himself too much pain, and resists the urge to spit. "Hello, Van. I see my spell worked rather nicely. You look much better as a dog. You weren't very good-looking as a person."   
  
Before Van could even get pissed at Omake's comment, Hitomi snarls and leaps at Omake, grabbing him by the shirt and shaking him back and forth ruthlessly. "HOW DARE YOU CALL VAN UGLY! HE HAPPENS TO BE ONE OF THE SEXIEST MEN I HAVE EVER MET IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! IF ANYONE IS UGLY IT'S YOU, YOU OLD WART!"   
  
Van's entire body turns a nice healthy shade of red, and he sputters a bit before choking on his own spit and collapsing. Hitomi and Omake hardly notice Van, however. They're way too wrapped up in slicing each others heads off with razor sharp words.   
  
"Old wart!? Have some respect you stupid woman! I happen to be one of the most powerful potion masters on this damn planet! I could have you turned into a puddle of piss if I wished it!"   
  
"If you're so damn powerful then how come we have you tied up and beaten in the basement of your own cottage!?"   
  
That caused Omake to shut up and think. He sputters for a few seconds before huffing and sticking his nose up into the air. "I could get out of here if I wish, I just wanted to give you two the illusion that you're beating me."   
  
Hitomi laughs and jabs a finger at Omake's stomach. "HA! That's a laugh! You couldn't save your own ass if your life depended on it. Which it does. Now. Tell me what the antidote is and I'll let you live."   
  
"Now why would I want to do something like that?"   
  
"Because if you don't, we'll torture you!"   
  
"Oooo, I'm SO afraid! Please little girl, don't hurt me!" Omake says sarcastically, acting afraid. "And whatever you do, don't sic your little puppy on me!"   
  
Hitomi's eyes narrow and she grabs a kitchen knife. "You asked for it…"   
  
Omake's eyes widen when he sees the sharp knife, and he tries to move his chair away from her. "What are you going to do? W-what are you going to do!?"   
  
"Whatever I have to do to get some answers…" Hitomi whispers, lowering the knife closer and closer to Omake. Suddenly she pushes the knife forward, and Omake screws his eyes shut. But instead of stabbing him, Hitomi lowers the knife to a plate. She grabs a fork in one hand, holds the knife in the other, and starts raking both utensils over the plate to make an almost nails-on-chalkboard sound. (1)   
  
"ARG! That's so ANNOYING! Stop it!!"   
  
"Not until you talk!"   
  
"NEVER!"   
  
"Fine. You asked for it." Hitomi growls, and she scrapes harder. Omake grits his teeth and tries to block out the sound, but it's just too…IRRITATING.   
  
"AH! ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, I'LL TALK!"   
  
"Spill it!" Hitomi shouts, dropping the silverware and glaring at Omake.   
  
"T-the antidote isn't really made yet…I mean, I had no intention of changing Van back. I mean, I do hate the little bastard and-"   
  
"Watch what you say about my Van-sama!"   
  
Omake suddenly stops, than grins evilly. "Of course. So sorry…anyways, I never intended to change him back, but I do know the ingredients for the antidote. I have the list in that drawer over there." He says, gesturing to said piece of furniture with his head. Hitomi walks over to it and opens the drawer, taking out a piece of paper and reading it over.   
  
"How do I know that this is the actual antidote?"   
  
"You have my word."   
  
"Your word is about as good as a maxed-out credit card in a shopping mall." Hitomi growls. Omake looks totally clueless as to what Hitomi just meant, but chooses not to say anything.   
  
"Err…right. I take it that means you don't believe me. Well, that's alright. That piece of paper is all I'm giving you. You try it, or you don't. How could things get any worse? Your fiancée is a puppy."   
  
Hitomi opens her mouth to say something, but stops and eyes Omake. "Wait…how do you know me and Van are engaged?"   
  
"Errr…I, uh…well, word travels fast around these parts, you see…besides, I AM a powerful potions master. I can see all…"   
  
Hitomi stares at Omake for a few seconds before shrugging and stepping up to him again. "This isn't good enough." She says, waving the paper around. "I need proof that this is what I'm looking for. So, I think we should take you along with us to get the ingredients. Then, when we make the potion, we'll try it on you first. It shouldn't do anything if it's an antidote, right?"   
  
Omake's eyes widen and he starts struggling. "N-no! I don't want to go! You can't make me!"   
  
"Oh yes she can."   
  
Hitomi and Omake whip their heads around to stare at the newcomer. Allen is standing in the doorway, Van in his arms. Millerna is standing behind him, holding a leash in her hand. Merle is on the other end of the leash, a huge contraption around her neck and a muzzle covering her mouth. It's a good thing she has the muzzle, because at the sight of Hitomi she starts to scream curses and foam at the mouth. Hitomi squeals and hugs Allen, ignoring Merle. "I'm so glad you're here! He's really being a pain…"   
  
Allen chuckles and looks back at Millerna, who nods and hands him something. "Oh, we'll take care of that…"   
  
Omake gulps as Allen advances on him, and prays to whatever god he believes in for mercy.   
  
~*~   
  
"You guys are really sick, you know that? SICK. I hope you get eaten alive by…by swamp monsters or-"   
  
"Oh, shut up Omake." Van says absentmindedly from Hitomi's arms. Hitomi looks back at Omakes state and giggles.   
  
Omake is tied to a leash identical to Merles. He has an electric-shock mechanism tied around his neck that shocks him whenever he doesn't keep up. He doesn't have a muzzle on, but there is one tucked safely away inside Millerna's pouch should he ever talk too much. They would have made him walk on all fours, but since he lost his arms he's forced to wiggle along the path like a worm. The fact that he has no arms and no hair only adds to the picture. He looks like a giant pet slug. A beaten up pet slug…   
  
They also made him wiggle next to Merle, who would kick, scratch, spit or swear at him every minute or two. Omake is NOT a happy camper.   
  
"I'm going to get you, Van Fanel. You just wait and see how badly I'm going to ge-EEEKKKIETCHMP!" Omake squeals as Allen presses the little button on the leash that shocks the person on the other end. Allen chuckles and sticks his tongue out at Omake.   
  
That shock, however, helped Omake remember the plan he had formulated while Hitomi was 'torturing' him. He grins sadistically and looks up at Hitomi. "Say, Van…are you happy with your little fiancée?"   
  
Van looks down at Omake and frowns, knowing something was wrong. "Yes…why?"   
  
"I hope you enjoyed it while it lasted…Hitomi, fries are for good little ferrets!!"   
  
Hitomi suddenly goes stiff and drops Van. Van squeaks and falls to the floor, landing flat on his face. Allen stops walking and stares at the scene with a horrified look on his face. _Oh…no…this is exactly what happened when Hitomi…oh, poor Van…_   
  
Van grabs his tail and peels himself off the floor. He rubs his face and stares up at Hitomi. "Ouch! That hurt! What was that for?"   
  
Hitomi blinks and rubs her head. "Ah…my head hurts…HEY! How did we get here!?" Hitomi says, looking around the forest with wide eyes. "I thought we were at the cabin…and we couldn't find Omake…"   
  
Millerna blinks at Hitomi, looking as lost as Van. Allen, however, has figured everything out, and looks like he's about to cry.   
  
"Hun? Hitomi, we left the cabin a long time ago. Remember? We couldn't find him, but some guy told us where he might be before Merle ripped his balls off?"   
  
Hitomi scratches her head, then shakes it. "I don't remember that…"   
  
Omake suddenly cackles insanely and does a little victory dance. "Hahahaha! I got you, Van! I told you I'd get you! Hahahaha!"   
  
Van glares at Omake and looks back up at Hitomi. "Hitomi…you don't remember anything?"   
  
"Well, let's see…I remember walking up to the cabin, Allen kicks the door down, and no one was there. Then, I suddenly felt this…presence in my mind, like someone was trying to control me. Make me believe something that wasn't true…I can't describe it…then everything went black, and now I'm here…"   
  
Van goes completely pale, and swallows hard. "Make you believe something…that isn't true…" Van murmurs as he realizes what's happened.   
  
"Van? Are you okay?" Hitomi asks when she sees Van start to sway.   
  
"Hahaha! Of course he isn't!" Omake cackles, wiggling up to Van. "I was controlling her thoughts the whole time! I made her think that you guys were going out, that you cheated on her, and that she actually wanted to marry you!" he whispers harshly. Van grits his teeth as his heart is slowly sliced into a few dozen pieces and tossed into the air.   
  
Allen snarls loudly and unsheathes his sword. "I'll fucken kill you!" he screams, charging at Omake.   
  
"No!!" Millerna shouts, grabbing Allen's arm and holding him back with all her might. "We need him! We need him alive!"   
  
"It doesn't matter…" Van croaks. "I have no desire to be human anymore."   
  
"Van??" Hitomi asks, concerned. She kneels down in front of him and try's to pick him up, but he shys away from her. "Van? What's the matter? Please tell me what's wrong!"   
  
"Nothing. I'm fine. Excuse me…" Van whispers, and he turns around and runs into the forest.   
  
"Van!" Hitomi shouts, getting up and running after him. She's stopped short by a firm hand on her shoulder, and she looks up at Allen with a confused expression. "Allen, what's wrong with Van? What did I say?"   
  
"You…didn't say anything. I'll explain later. Let me go after him."   
  
"But-"   
  
"Trust me, Hitomi."   
  
Hitomi sighs and nods. "Alright…I just wish I knew what was wrong with him…"   
  
"It's fine. Everything will be alright." Allen reassures before sheathing his sword and taking off after Van.   
  
Hitomi stares after the two men with a heavy heart, and Millerna walks up behind her and puts a comforting arm across her shoulder.   
  
~*~   
  
Allen stops and looks around, frustrated. He had no idea it would be this hard to find one black puppy. He had been searching for a good ten minutes, and still wasn't anywhere near Van. _Poor Van…he didn't deserve this. You could almost see his heart breaking. I'll get that sick bastard if it's the last thing I do…_ Allen hears a twig snap behind him, and he whips around, sword drawn. Allen breathes a sigh of pure relief and sheaths his sword, smiling down at the newcomer. "Van…"   
  
Van looks up at Allen with a blank expression. "Allen. Why did you follow me?"   
  
Allen sighs and sits next to Van, who sits down in turn. "Van…I can assure you that it's not what it looks like."   
  
"OH!? It's not!?" Van snarls, taking Allen totally by surprise. "You mean I haven't been totally blind and stupid? Thinking that ANYONE could want me, especially Hitomi!? And it happened so suddenly, too! With the whole Millerna thing…something was obviously up, but I was too damn slap happy thinking that…that…" Van's voice starts to crack, so he stops and looks down.   
  
"Then I guess I was blind and stupid, too, if I didn't see it."   
  
"You're not blind or stupid…"   
  
"Exactly. And do you know why?"   
  
Van looks up at Allen with a very confused expression. "Hun?"   
  
"The reason I didn't suspect anything was because I KNEW Hitomi loved you, and I just thought she was finally voicing it."   
  
Van's eyes widen and almost fly off his head, but his eyes suddenly narrow and he growls at Allen. 'That is NOT funny!"   
  
"Of course it isn't, because I'm not kidding! You ARE blind!"   
  
"Gee, thanks Allen. I already knew I was in idiot, but all I need was for you to fucken tell me to complete the damn picture!"   
  
"LISTEN to me, Van. You are blind, but not in the way that you think! You're blind because you couldn't see before that Hitomi was OBVIOUSLY head over heels for you! You're blind because you didn't see that you were OBVIOSULY head over heels for her too, until a little while ago! You were not blind in thinking that Hitomi wanted you, you were finally SEEING."   
  
Van doesn't say anything, just stares at Allen with wide eyes and a wider mouth, so Allen continues.   
  
"You're so damn wrapped up in thinking that no one could love you, that you miss it when someone actually does!"   
  
That part did it. Van finally snaps out of his stupor and forms actual words. "A-are you sure??"   
  
"Of course I'm sure. If you really looked, you'd see the signs too. Instead of moping around, why don't you pay more attention to the way Hitomi acts around you? Stop being so damn arrogant and try opening up to people a bit, then maybe you would see people's true feelings a bit better."   
  
"Arrogant!? I am *not* arrogant!" Van growls.   
  
"Yes, you ARE. You don't ever bother yourself with finding out about other people. You totally ignored Hitomi when you first met her. I bet the only words you exchanged with her were 'Do you need to go to the bathroom?' or 'There's your room.' And she told me about your first conversation too. Woo, REAL smooth. You acted like a total ass, didn't you?"   
  
Van chooses not to say anything, just bow his head.   
  
"Not that I'm any better in the 'woo, I'm so cool, lookit me' department, but that isn't really your problem, is it? It's more an 'I don't need to know about you because you don't concern me' department. It's more a ' I want to deliberately depress myself so I'm not going to talk to anyone about how I feel or what I'm about because I'm scared shitless' department, isn't it? It's more a-"   
  
"ALRIGHT! I get it, damnit…" Van mutters.   
  
Allen smirks and shakes his head. "Truth sucks, doesn't it?"   
  
Van nods wordlessly, lost in thought. Allen grins and sits up, his work done. "Well. What do you say we head back? You're worrying everyone to death. Err…everyone meaning me, Millerna and Hiotmi. And I'm sure Merle's worried too. If she even knows what's going on…"   
  
Van laughs a strong, healthy laugh, and walks along side Allen. "Umm…A-allen?"   
  
"Yeah?"   
  
"….Thanks. You're a good friend."   
  
Allen smiles warmly at Van, then whoops with joy, throwing his hands up in the air. "There we go! You're on the road to recovery!"   
  
~*~   
  
Millerna and Hitomi sit on a large rock, laughing their asses off as they toss Omake his dinner. They're basically ripping little pieces of bred off a loaf and throwing them at him.   
  
"Hey! Omake! Over here, boy!" Hitomi jokes, tossing another piece of bread at him. It hits his forehead, bounces off, and lands in front of Merle, who gobbles it up without even blinking. Omake whimpers.   
  
"That's the fifth time she's done that! Can't we do this somewhere else?" Omake whines.   
  
"No. If you're too damn slow to catch your dinner, it's your problem." Millerna says, throwing another piece of bread at him. It sails over his head and lands in front of Merle. She looks at it, looks at Omake, grins evilly then picks it up and plops it into her mouth. "Oooops, silly me, look at that awful aim!"   
  
"Geeze, Mil. Stop being such a little girl and throw properly!" Hitomi teases.   
  
"Alright, alright I will." Millerna says, ripping off another piece and tossing it. It sails above Omake again and lands in front of Merle, who it's it right away.   
  
"HEY! You said you would aim!"   
  
"I did." Millerna says, grinning evilly. "I was aiming at Merle. She has to eat too, you know."   
  
"She HAS eaten! She's eaten everything you've thrown! I haven't had a single bite!"   
  
"Well, that's your problem." Hitomi says, tossing another piece of bread that rolls past Omake and lands right at Merle's feet.   
  
A few seconds later, Van and Allen emerge from the forest, both smiling. Hitomi and Millerna stop torturing Omake and stare at them. Hitomi hops off the rock and runs to meet Van.   
  
"Van! Are you alright? What's wrong? What happened?"   
  
Van is about to answer, but stops and stares at Hitomi with wide eyes. _She…she actually cares how I am? She looks so concerned. How come I didn't notice this before? Allen was right…_ Van smiles up at Hitomi and nods. "I'm alright Hitomi. I just…err…had a moment. Or something…"   
  
Hitomi raises an eyebrow at Van, and is about to answer when she hears a frighteningly familiar voice.   
  
"BURN! BURN THE TREE'S! BURN THEM ALL! I HATE NATURE!"   
  
"Dilandou-sama…if we burn the tree's we'll die with them…"   
  
"Are you calling me stupid!?"   
  
"O-of course not! Forgive me!"   
  
"Damn right…"   
  
Everyone freezes and look at each other and mouth the same word.   
  
Dilandou!?   
  
"What the hell is he doing here?" Allen whispers, unsheathing his sword.   
  
"I don't know, bu-"   
  
"VAN!" Hitomi is cut off a scream, and they all twirl around to see Dilandou emerge from the bushes, sword drawn. "Oh, wait, that isn't Van, it's just Pansy Boy." Dilandou deadpans, looking directly at Allen. Allen snarls and raises his sword.   
  
"Who the hell are you calling a pansy!? If anyone here looks like a damn girl, it's you!"(2)   
  
Dilandou screams, and is about to charge Allen, but Miguel runs out of the forest to stand in between them, holding a duck in his hands. "Dilandou-sama! Stop!"   
  
"Why the hell should I!? How dare you tell me what to do!"   
  
"But Dilandou-sama, Omake is right there!" The duck responds, much to the Esca-gangs surprise. Dilandou lowers his sword slowly and looks in the direction the duck pointed to. As soon as Omake sees Dilandou, he starts screaming. Like, really screaming. Like girly kind of screaming.   
  
Dilandou chuckles and walks towards Omake. "Well, we've finally found you…"   
  
"OH, DEAR SWEET FERRETS! GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME! EEEEEIIIII!!" he screams, scrambling away from Dilandou. Allen pulls on his leash, causing him to fly forwards and get shocked. Dilandou eyes the leash and grins. " I like that thing…"   
  
"Dilandou? Why do you want Omake?" Allen questions.   
  
Dilandou snaps his head around and narrows his eyes at Allen. "Why? WHY!? Because he turned Chesta into a friggen duck, that's why!"   
  
Everyone gasps and looks over at the duck, who waves shyly.   
  
"But why?" Van asks. Dilandou's eyebrows fly up, and he walks over to the tiny puppy, tilting his head to the side.   
  
"Oh…don't tell me…Van?"   
  
Van nods slowly, and Dilandou's head fly's backwards in cold, hard laughter. "Oh! This is TOO good! My enemy…reduced to a little puppy! My mood is permanently lightened! Haha!"   
  
"Yeah, laugh it up, asshole." Van mutters.   
  
"Well…it seems we both need to get something from the same person, so…I say we call a truce." Hitomi ventures.   
  
"No way!"   
  
"Absolutely not!"   
  
"Well *I* wouldn't mind…"   
  
"Whatever, as long as I'm not a duck anymore…"   
  
"I will NOT co-operate with the enemy!"   
  
"I'd rather die!"   
  
"RAAH! MEN!" Hitomi screams. Everyone stops bickering to stare at her. "LISTEN to me, you pig-headed sacks of testosterone! You WILL co-operate or I will make each and every one of your lives a living hell, DO YOU GET ME!?"   
  
"We get you, sir! Errr…m'am…" They all respond at once, saluting her.   
  
"Good! Now, Dilandou, you lead the way since you like to slice things. Allen will follow up, then Me, then Van, then Miguel and Chesta, then Millerna and Merle. Omake is with Allen. Alright, let's go!" She ordered, clapping her hands together. Eveyone obediently got into their order, and Dilandou unsheathes his sword and starts to clear the way at her say so.   
  
"Heh. I like her. She's got spirit." Dilandou remarks, smirking.   
  
End of Chapter 5. 


End file.
